RANT

Hi. So it's me again. Lol I forgot I have a blog like this. Anyway, good thing that my account isn't logged out yet. Anywaaaay. I just want to rant about something 'cause I can't take it anymore. I have been telling this problem to my bestfriend because it's hard to keep all your grudges.
This is a family matter. I won't be too detailed about this since this should still be a private thing lol.
I am really just good at controlling myself... and there had been instances before that already irritated me but then I decided to keep it with myself. Usually I tweet about something when I am really pissed off. But since I have my siblings on Twitter, well that kinda restricted me from doing so. And so there's this problem. And I don't wanna meddle with it anymore because it's a sensitive matter which I can't relate to it as well because I haven't experienced it myself. So I just better shut my mouth. But no matter what, it's still a problem within the family and you would be bothered by it. Well, I think my sister thinks that I don't care about her. It's just that I want to be quiet about it, and I am not much of a person who talks about emotional things with them. I am too shy comforting a person. I do it other ways. But she really pisses me off, that's why I wanna go to Manila already!!

Heyyy

March 1, 2013

Today is the first day of March!! At ilang days na lang.. graduation na namin..at ilang days na lang magkakahiwa-hiwalay na kami. Okay so bago ako magdrama dito ng bonggang-bongga, magkekwento muna ako ng mga nangyari the past days. Dami ko atang hindi naikwento.

Eto muna.. yung sa amin ni Jerome (actually bawal na banggitin pangalan niya eh, bad word na raw yun) WALA NA. Uhm let me say na gag* siya. Lol. Ang kapal ng mukha niya grabe. Siya pa mismo nagsabi sa akin na bumabalik ang pagiging playboy niya. Sht. Tapos ngayon..ayun..meron na nga agad! Jusko. Tapos close friend pa nung ex niya ha. Grabe naman talaga. Actually mejo nakakamove on na talaga ako ngayon dahil sa friends ko na puro masasama ang sinasabi tungkol sa kanya. Ayun. Nasaktan naman talaga ako. Noon lang ako nagmahal ng ganun. Yung mahal na mahal talaga. Grabe. I trusted him, pero anong nangyari? :/ Anyway, buti na lang anjan ang friends ko para sa akin. Nagsorry na nga rin ako sa kanila kasi nagagalit pa ako sa kanila dati eh. Totoo naman pala mga sinasabi nila.. pati ni kuya. Hayyyy.

Yung overnight kina Jam! Sht sobrang saya lang talaga as in!! NagHarlem Shake kami, nagtakutan, nanuod ng Shutter pero nakatulog din naman, nanuod din ng Dead Silence, nagpillow fight!, nagpakavain, kumain ng maanghang na pancit canton, nagtsismisan, kwentuhan…DEFINE MASAYA talaga. Kasama ko nun sina Mimay, Pam, Menggay, Airah, Shynne, Joma, Marius, Ellie, Denzel, at Rexson. Dami namin noh? Sobrang saya talaga hihihi.

Research. Grabe wooo nakapagpabookbind na ako at napirmahan na rin ni Ma’am de Vera ang bookbound papers koooo! Sure graduate na ba? Yiiieee. Wala. Ang hirap kaya kasi talaga. Akala ko hindi ako aabot sa deadline kasi Tuesday eh katatapos ko lang magpaedit. Tapos at that same day, nagprint ako sa statio at nagpapirma na rin sa panelists. Oh diba bongga! The next day, umabsent ako, pumunta kami ng Recto ng mama ko para magpabookbind. Grabehan! Nakakapagod. Haha.

Yung naggGM naman. Ayun. Tinotoo niya nga yung sinabi niya. Ako na nga yung sinunod niya L User daw ako. Pero di ako nagpaapekto kasi di rin naman totoo yun :P

Habang tumatagal, lalo naming nasasabi at napapatunayang masaya kami sa piling ng bawat isa. Sa school, pag magkakasama kami, lagi kaming masaya, hagalpak sa kakatawa, nao-autistic, special kami eh! Pero pag umuuwi ng bahay, biglang nalulungkot, yung mararamdaman mo at mapapasabi ka ng, ‘sana nasa school na lang ulit ako’. Yung para bang uhaw kami sa presence ng bawat isa. WOW. Ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng ganitong saya pag kasama mga kaibigan ko, kung gano ko sila namimiss. At close na rin kasi yung boys at girls sa section naming eh, not all pero in general, yes. Masaya sila kasama eh. Hayyy. Mamimiss ko talaga ang pagiging HS student ko, lalo na ang pagiging 4H student at anak ni Ma’am Ligsa. I’ll miss everyone, seriously. 

Today is Thursday.

Ang lungkot ko nga ngayon tae. Shet Valentine's day ba talaga? Lol. Okay wala lang. Kasi naman.... di kami nagkita. Hayy. I have to be understanding. Eh lagi ko naman ginagawa yun.. bakit di pa ako nasanay? Pero seryoso.. naiinis ako kanina sa room pag nakakakita ako ng may hawak na roses, bear, chocolates. peste. bitter ba? Ewan ko. Nakakainis lang. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh tae.
Nagdate naman ako kasama si Mimay at Rexson. Okay na yun. Atleast diba..
Ayuuun. Si Veron. Waaa natutuwa ako sa kanya. Kahapon nga kasi diba wala ako sa school eh may pinasa silang scores. Ayun. Tinulungan ako ni Veron mag-asikaso. Tapos ayos lang sa kanya na matulog ako sa lap niya habang nilalaro niya phone ko. Nung Math din.. may kelangan na scores tapos siya gumawa nung akin. Nung kelangan din ng journal sa Math.. sasamahan niya pa ako kay Zymon para lang manghingi ng photocopy ng journal sa math waaaa. Share din kami lagi sa foods. Siya nga lang ang taong lagi kong nililibre kasi sa totoo lang, minsan lang ako manlibre ng kaibigan. Lol. Eh ewan ko, kay Veron ayos lang sakin. Kambal nga kami eh. Waaaa. I am lucky to have heeeer <3
Tapos nagsayaw nga pala kami. Jusko fail kamo. Pero sabi nila ang cute ko daw at ayos lang naman daw. Hayyy atleast positive yung comments nila. Well.. pwera nga lang sa damit kasi shorts. Ehhhhh bawal sa school. Hahaha okay nevermind. Ayun so hindi rin kami kasama sa top 3 sa DPSA huhuhu.
Mejo nagtampo din ako kay Jhudz nung uwian.. Kasi late na nun. Eh gusto ko na umuwi.. May kasama naman siya.. Ako wala.. Ehh may dumaan nang bus.. marami pa ang pwede sumakay. Eh kaso si Mary Joy yung tinitingnan niya. Hayyy. Sakit na nga ng paa ko eh. Di ako makalakad ng ayos.
Nung uwian.. naghihintay ako ng bus. Ako nakatayo kahit may pwede namang upuan. Sina Joma hindi pa umuuwi. Lumapit sila sakin. Kasama si Marius. Bakit daw wala ako sa mood. Naiiyak nga ako nun eh. Ewan ko ba kainis. Pang-asar pa tanong ni Jose Mari. Bakit daw parang walang dumadalaw sakin ngayon. Shet ang sakit kamo. Hayyyy..Bakit ba kasi ganito :'((( Para tuloy akong loveless.
Mas masaya pa ata ako ng normal na araw lang sa school kesa ngayon.
Tapos may nabasa pa akong comment dun sa isang picture niya na kung san daw date nila ni *insert name ni ex* ANG SAKIT LANG KAINIS

So depressed :'(

Grabe nanlambot ako nung nakita ko yung general average ko nung 3rd grading. Di ako nag-eexpect ng mataas na grades kasi alam ko naman na mejo sumemplang nga mga outputs ko. Pero di ko naman akalaing ganun kababa. Grabe. Nanliliit ako. Feeling ko ang bobo ko na talaga. Shet talaga. Grabeeee gusto ko umiyak pero parang may pumipigil sakin na wag. Ugh naisip ko kasi na hindi lang talaga grades ang basehan at mejo kampante na ako kasi may papasukan naman na akong university. Pero kahit naaaa. Huhuu. Lalo na sa Physics ugh grabe. I am really not good with Science eh. Any field jusko naman. LORD PLEASE HELP ME WITH MY STUDIES :-((( Ayoko rin sabihin nila na si J ang dahilan kung bakit. Nahihiya na rin ako sa mama ko. Waaaa. Buti na lang may scholarship pa ako.. nakapasa ako. Waaaa. Pati yun di ko rin ineexpect ehh. Lord. Siguro para sakin talaga 'to. Para marealize ko talagang hindi lang naman sa grades nababase ang future ko. Kasi ngayon sa totoo lang.. mas magaling lang talaga silang mangopya kesa sakin lol. Tas feeling ko babagsak na naman ako sa PEH. Tae tapos what if ipahiya ako ni Sir Tom.  Oh kaaayyy. :-)
Smile pa rin ako. Kanina depressed ako pero nakakangiti na ulit ako ngayon. Ewan ko kung bakit. Thank you Lord! :-) Siguro may darating na good news noh? Yeyyy.

Still praying to be on the top 3....

All the pain

Ugh so here it goes. Naiinis lang ako. Or maybe hindi naiinis pero nagtatampo? Or something like that. I can't find the right term.
Una, hindi niya ako igu-goodluck sa interview ko sa PNU kung hindi ko pa sasabihin sa kanyang interview ko na nun. As in that very day. Hindi ko raw sinabi sa kanya na interview ko eh nasa GM ko naman yun lagi. So ano yun, di nya binabasa mga GM ko?
Yung sa DPSA, yung kasama kami sa top 30. Di niya rin ako kinongrats. Nagsabi lang siya ng 'nice'. Hayyy.
Then hanggang sa nakasama kami sa top 5. Wala pa rin. Na-feature na kami sa newspaper wala pa rin. Bakit ba siya ganyaaaan.
Eto pa.. dati pa 'to pero pinalagpas ko na lang. Yung picture niya na may kasama siyang 5 girls yun. Yung isa, nakahawak pa sa kanya. Sabi nga nina Jam sabihin ko raw yun sa kanya eh, kaso sabi ko naman, ayoko kasi maganda yung mood namin, ayoko lang masira. So that was done.
Di niya ako finofollow sa instagram. Hindi sa naghahabol ako ng followers. A BIG NO. It's just that....diba dapat i-follow niya ako? Ugh do you get me guys?
Nagla-like siya ng pictures ng ibang babae. Diba dapat... ako lang? Tae naiinis talaga ako. Ginawa ko? Gumanti ako. Naglike din ako ng pictures ni kuya Raymond. Yun nga lang, baka wala lang sa kanya.
Isa pa. Di niya pa binibigay sakin yung new number niya. Diba dapat kusa niya yun sabihin sa akin?
Tae naiiyak na ako. Di ko alam na ganito na pala karami yung 'disappointment' ko sa kanya. Ang dami kong pinalagpas. Hinahayaan ko na lang. Ganito naman talaga dapat eh? Kasi bawat pangyayaring yan, iniisip ko na maliit na bagay lang yun. Pero pag pinagsama-sama mo pala, ang dami na. Ang sakit lang </3 Para tuloy pakiramdam kong wala siyang pakelam sakin kahit sabihin niya pang meron :'((

Nakakatanga

Bakit ba napakabilis niyang sumuko? Kalalaking tao eh. Ugh. Bakit feeling ko ako lang yung lumalaban? :((Ayoko naman magmukhang tanga pagdating ng dulo. Sa totoo lang, nanghihina talaga ako ngayon. And sumasakit talaga puso ko, seriously. Ewan ko, pero baka kelangan ko na ata talaga makinig sa mga kaibigan ko. Bakit ba kasi nilalabas ko lahat ng pagmamahal ko... Bakit ba kasi :((( Nasasaktan talaga ako. Sure ba syang yun lang talaga ang dahilan? Distance? Eh kasi honestly speaking, magagawan naman talaga ng paraan yan eh. To think na pareho lang kaming taga-Naic and I doubt na buong araw ng Saturday and Sunday eh may ginagawa kami pareho. Ugh :(((
Mahal ko talaga siya. Ayoko matapos lahat 'to ng ganito lang. Pero bakit parang ako lang talaga yung lumalabaaan :((( Diba dapat pag mahal mo, kaya mo gawin lahat? Ewan ko ha. Parang nababawasan na talaga ako ng tiwala sa boys. Shet. Pare-pareho lang naman ata talaga kayo eh. Naiinis ako na nadidisappoint na ewan uuugggghhh
Nakakapagtakang di na ako umiiyak ngayon. Siguro pagod na rin ang mata ko kakaiyak sa ganitong problema.

Hayyy

Mejo nawala na rin ako sa mood kanina sa school pa lang.
Parang hindi nila ramdam na mahal ako ni Jerome, iniisip nila na hindi totoo yung nararamdaman sakin ni Jerome una kasi nga malayo siya and pangalawa dahil sa mga nakikita nila.
Hayyy. Ayun. Pero kinausap ko rin naman si Pam at hiningi ko yung opinion niya about dun.
Tapos yung classmates ko naman na boys lalo na si Ellie, lagi na lang akong tinatanong kung bakit daw si Jerome. Ano daw ba meron sya, ano raw ba nagustuhan ko sa kanya. Nakakainis sila.. Or maybe concerned lang talaga kasi hindi nga nila kilala si Jerome?

And..
T.T
Nagsigawan sina mommy at ate dito :(((
Iyak nga ako ng iyak eh. Kasi kung ano ano na hinahagis ni mommy. Buti na lang walang babasagin.
Sinasabi ni mommy na di responsableng ina ate ko. Waaaa.
Nagsigawan sila :(((

SO MANY THINGS HAPPENED...

Let's start with ...

December 5, 2012

 Since Rikki Mae, Airah, Jhudz, and I were already done with our defense... I asked them if we could go to Jollibee and buy Milo Blast (since it's OUR favorite). Shynne went with us. And yeaaah. Something unexpected happened. I didn't know that HE'll go and celebrate with us as well. I  wasn't prepared lol. When we're about to go home, Shynne asked me if HE could accompany me home. I asked if Jhudz can go with us as well. It's okay but, JHUDZ hesitated! Then yeah, I went home riding his motor. I am really scared riding a motor because I am not used to it. But I have trust on HIM, soooo :))) I told my mom and my sister about it. 

December 6, 2012

  We went home late because we attended the talk.. He suddenly texted me and asked if he could accompany me home again riding his motor. I said yes. AND YEAAAAA :))))

December 7, 2012

  This day is something really special. HE went to school with Christian, my grade school friend. At first we were at the canteen. Then a moment later, I felt out of place because they were the only ones who were talking to each other. I walked out and went straight to our room. Luckily, my male classmates and also the guys from other sections went inside our room and they all surrounded me, and talked to me. They were even singing. Atleast they were making me happy that time. They didn't leave me. They stayed until I go home. That was sweet of them :)) Then Joma and Marius went with us to the jeepney, waited with us. When we rode the jeepney, WE sat side by side. We weren't talking to each other. On the other hand, Christian kept laughing because of my other companions who were making jokes. When we get down the jeepney already, we parted ways and it was obvious that HE's not in the mood. HE even ruined his hair. Lol. When I got home, no one was there so I thought that maybe we could talk to each other for even just a few minutes because I really felt guilty that time. I asked my mom first if it's okay to talk to him. Surprisingly, my mom agreed. It was shocking because my mom usually doesn't allow me.And it was my first time asking my mom a question like that. HE really went to our house but we just stayed outside since it would be suspicious if we were the only ones inside our house. We talked and talked and talked. It took us one hour. Then my mother and my sister even reached us talking. Lol. T WAS REALLY A MOMENT TO REMEMBER :)) For the first time, I felt comfortable talking to someone very special to me. I just showed who I really am. He gave me butterflies in my stomach so many times that night. I didn't regret asking him to go there. 

LEETEUK ENLISTMENT PIC SPAM

Birthday? Naaah.

I am so happy because of my friends :))) It's my birthday today, actually. Well. Everything was quite fine today. Except for the one that happened this morning. And something made me quite disappointed today. I forgot that my birthday wasn't indicated in Facebook. Lol. So yeah. Only my relatives greeted me :((((((( Well of course, except for my classmates who greeted me in the classroom. But still. I realized that only few people remember my birthday. :(( Sad. 

Well anyway. Atleast some people cared. I appreciated it :) I LOVE YOU GUYS. This post should be a long one because it's my birthday and I have to tell a story right? But no. It ends right here.

Hiiii

So today was the 'supposed-to-be' last day for our research. Ugh. I really feel sooooo exhausted whenever I get home. I'm depressed again. I always feel sad whenever I'm tired. I just don't talk too much. Haha. Uhmm yea. I think I need to catch up a lot of lessons :(( Oh well. Zyrah fighting!

Just a bit sad today..

We had our Spanish class. Some students were asked to conjugate verbs in the past tense form. Since it was taking quite a long time and no one was getting the answer yet, some students were told to help the ones answering in the board. I was asked to help Marcson, the one got the highest grade in Spanish from our batch. At first I thought that I was so lucky since there's a great possibility that his answers will be correct. Yes, his answers only, since I also don't know answers. And lucky enough, his answers were really correct. Among all, 'we' were the only ones who got it right. Ma'am gave us 100. I was thinking that I definitely don't deserve that grade, since I was of no help to Marcson at all. I am worried because my classmates all got 50 while I, who didn't do anything to help Marcson, got 100. I think my classmates would all think that that's unfair. And they might hate me for that :((

I'm Sorry but ughh.

Is that DBSK?? They're not even smiling, not supporting their labelmates.

Look at Super Junior now, they always party hard every performance of different groups, whether it's their labelmate or not. But seeing this, it makes me disappointed with DBSK. But hey, I have nothing against them. Just saying :/

We will wait for you, leader Teukie.

#ELFwaitforLeeteuk #기다릴게이특

ELFs(including me) are being so emotional now on Twitter, even on Tumblr. Today was Park Jungsoo's last overseas concert before he enlists.
2 years..
Yes, we'll wait for 2 years. That won't be too long, right?
We'll wait for you just like we're waiting for Kim Heechul right now.. We'll wait for you just like how we've waited for Kim Yongwoon.
You're the best leader ever, oppa.
Being humble.. thoughtful.. a great sunbae. We'll really miss you.
I won't be able to see you anymore.. since you won't be performing with the other members during Super Show 5..
I hope you'll just be fine. Take care always oppa.
I can't express all my feelings. I can't put them all into words. I just love you so much. And I promise that I'll be an ELF forever. PROMISE. Just stay strong oppa. Promise us that you'll come back even better, okay?
WE'LL WAIT FOR YOU.
PROM15E TO 13ELIEVE AND 10VE SUPER JUNIOR!!

August 22, 2012

I think this day would be one of my most unforgettable moment in my Senior life.
It was the day when I got really angered by my classmates. They were too much. At first I was just ignoring them, still laughing at their jokes. But that time, I just don't know what happened to me but I already got tired of those jokes, the way they bash my idols.. our idols..
They always say 'baho kpop'. It annoyed me. They always say bad things about KPOP. Ughhhh.
I sent a group message that time, just to express my anger. My classmates who received that message came asking me if I was alright. Of course I was not. I was not answering them, pretending that I wasn't hearing anything. After that, I just rested my head on my arm chair. I heard my friends saying things to the boys in our classroom. They were protecting me. Even the ones who are not KPOP fans. They were saying that they should atleast give respect to KPOP. I bursted into tears. I was probably touched by my friends protecting me. My KPOP friends, after finding out what happened, they immediately went by my side, comforting me, and they were even shouting at my classmates. My other classmates were silent that time. Only voices that were shouting can be heard. Until now, I am not yet talking to my boy classmates, ignoring them. I even removed them as my friends on Facebook.

Still crying T-T

Uwaaaaa. Umiiyak pa rin ako hanggang ngayon :(( Kasi naman diba, chance na yun para makita sila in person eh.. Kahit malayo pa yan. Kaso alanganin kasi talaga yung oras, 5pm start, tas Trinoma pa, sobrang layo. Tapos umuulan pa nun. Hayyyy. Lord, please give us another chance. Sana po may Super Show 5 sila sa Manila this time. Gusto ko po talaga silang makita. Sasabihin ko sa mama ko na hindi niya na nga ako pinayagan sa Sihae in Manila, di niya pa ako papayagan sa SS5? Hindi ako papayag na General Admission lang, atleast Upper Box A. Mag-iipon talaga ako at hihingi ako ng pera sa mama ko. I'm not asking her a lot of things. Madalas ako naman ang gumagastos para sa sarili ko, so dapat pagbigyan niya ako sa SS5. So hindi ko na muna gagalawin 'tong ipon ko, just in case na may SS5 nga. For sure, mabilis makaka-sold out ng tickets yan. Soooo.... ipon-ipon din. Hayyyy. Anyway, depressed pa rin ako. Kaya ayoko makabasa ng messages or tweets na nakarating sila sa Trinoma, nakita nila ang Sihae. Naiinggit lang talaga ako sa kanila. Sayang kasi talaga yung chance. Nagpray ako kay Lord dati na sana, August 15. Binigay niya naman sa akin. Pero nakalimutan kong hilingin na sana maayos yung weather tsaka hindi ganun kalayo. Iniisip ko nga sa SMX lang eh :(( Hayyy. Lord. Please po T-T Give me another chance, or chances para makita sila, and not just Siwon and Donghae but all of them. Lord please po talaga. :(( Nakakaiyak talaga. To think na bias ko pa yung pumunta dito. ULTIMATE BIAS. Hayyyyyy :(((( I hope something good will happen.

Despite of everything...

"iwan mo man ako o hindi, hindi ka magiging masama para saken"

I feel so bad again :'(

I feel like crying. Ughhh. Reason? Studies. Seriously. I am really getting disappointed with myself when I get low marks. I have been thinking that my brain is slowly degrading. I don't know why. I don't feel that I am as smart now compared before. I'm really upset. What if I'll get line of 7 in the card? That would be a shame. I better start being serious with my studies now and ask help from other people so I can easily understand the lessons well. Just like in Physics, I am a bit confused. Especially in Chemistry, wherein I can't even understand a thing. I pity myself. Oh. Also Biotechnology. I get low scores on my quizzes. Wait, that's all sciences right? To tell you honestly, I never liked science. I hate myself. How can I cope up with the lessons well now? Ugghhh. Sorry teachers. Sorry mother. I don't know. Please classmates, help me. :(((( I really want to cry. I always get stressed. Huhu.

Not much of a happy day.

Well, everyday is a happy day. I always laugh too much each day because of my classmates. Today was different. I still laughed a lot. We laughed a lot especially during our AP time.. But.. During Math time, ugh. Not that happy. I (We) got a low score (in fact, the lowest) in our activity yesterday. But, my partner was Pam. What we did was we divided the numbers to answer. I answered2 and 4, and some in 5 while she answered 1 and 3. So when we checked it, we only got correct answers in the numbers I did. Well, at first I was really disappointed with her :( But then I realized that I shouldn't be. Then when we were about to continue answering numbers 6-10, she suddenly asked me, "Gusto mo pa akong maka-partner?" I answered yes and gave her a smile. Then I just taught her what I did. Her way of computing in her calculator is wrong. So there, I just taught her. Still, until now, I still feel bad. I don't know why but I'm definitely not mad at her. Maybe still because of the low score. Anyway, I still have a lot of chances to get over that score.